There is always a reason

There has got to be a reason I am the way I am. I have decided to have a "self discovery" for myself and figure it out.

Self Discovery #1: My Morbid Mind

For some reason I always have morbid thoughts in my head....I will give you some examples:

Example 1: Sometimes when I am with someone and they say,"See you later". I think,"Not if I get hit by a car and die".

Example 2: For a while now I have had this scenario played out in my head where I come upon a car accident and everyone is dead except one person who is injured and I have to lay my body across them to stop the bleeding. I save their life every time :)

Example 3: I get stressed out when my room is messy because if I were to die my family would have to deal with it.


I don't remember a lot of my childhood but some memories have recently surfaced that could explain my morbid mind.

Memory 1: I used to sing this song over and over, if you know this little jingle forgive me I might have some of the words wrong.... I have a tendency to do that.

Suffocation, inner retardation, suffocation...a game we used to play
First you get a bowling ball, then you roll it down the hall. Hit your dad then he's mad
Weeeeeeee
Suffocation, inner retardation, suffocation...a game we used to play
Next you take a plastic bag then you stick on your head..go to bed, then your dead
Weeeeeeee
Now you take a rubber hose and you stick up your nose..turn it on then your gone
Weeeeeeee

Memory 2: I was an annual participant in the 4-H program, I showed a pig every year. The first couple of years it was hard for me to sell my pig because I knew what was going to happen....but eventually I got used to it. I started to give my pig names like Holly Ham Hock and Bacon. You would think that the experience of picking out a cute little piglet, giving it a name, watching it grow, train it for 15 min. of fame, auction it off, and sending it off to be slaughtered would be traumatic to a little girl. Nope, not for me...instead it turned into a sick craving for ham.